Look how badass he is while holding that baby
But what if he used it on the guy who came to the door for his daughter?
TELL ME, MIDGARDIAN. WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS TOWARDS MY DAUGHTER?
I AM OBLIGED TO INFORM YOU NOW THAT ANY DISRESPECT TOWARDS HER SHALL SURELY END POORLY FOR YOU.
WHOSOEVER DATETH MY DAUGHTER
IF HE BE WORTHY
THE BLESSING OF THOR
and watch when the time comes, he’ll just be like “Hey, mate, treat her good okay? Bring her back before eleven please. Drive safely.”
I THINK WE HAVE TO WORRY MORE ABOUT HER GODFATHER, TOM LOKI HIDDLESTON TBH.
What the hell.
This is the greatest post in the universe.
jesus christ it’s updated
Rebloggin for the comments.
JFC Tumblr, I can’t take you anywhere.
I love you
ALL of you
this shit just keeps getting better!!!
Dear lord this girl is going to have the hardest time getting a boyfriend. The poor thing is going to come home, stomp up to her room, try to slam the door, but it’ll be impossible because Chris Hemsworth will effortlessly stop the door with his huge Norse God arm.
And she’ll be like “DAD! YOU SCARED HIM AWAY!”
“I DID NO SUCH THING, MY DEAREST DAUGHTER. I ONLY SPOKE TO HIM THE TRUEST TRUTH OF THE NINE REALMS.”
“Oh my god, dad…”
“HE HAD AN ILL LOOK ABOUT HIM, I LIKED IT NOT. YOU ARE DESERVING OF THE HIGHEST OF QUALITY IN MEN, NOT THE LIKES OF HIM. YOU HAVE A DUTY AS PRINCESS OF ASGARD TO MARRY WELL AND SERVE THE KINGDOM, AND I ALSO WISH THAT YOU MAY HAVE A HUSBAND WHO WILL TREAT YOU AS THE QUEEN YOU ARE.”
“Dad… I’m not a queen! Stop it!”
And then Tom Loki Hiddleston, her godfather, walks in and she’s like: “And YOU! YOU SCARED HIM, TOO!”
“Oh, I did? My mistake. I overestimated the bravery of the young man, I fear.”
“WELL DONE, BROTHER.”
“Dad! Uncle Tom! SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL BROTHERS!”
“I fear your daughter is saying hurtful things in her anger, she means them not, I think. Worry not, Thor, I had trouble with my children more than once…”
“UNCLE TOM YOU DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS!”
“BROTHER PERHAPS WE SHOULD LEAVE HER TO HER ANGER.”
“No, wait! You guys have to stop doing this, I’m never going to get a boyfriend if you keep doing this!”
“Oh, alright. We shall never again berate or intimidate the young men whom you present to us. I promise.”
“UNCLE TOM STOP TALKING LIKE THAT.”
“Darling girl, my name is Loki, God of Mischief, Silvertongue, Lord of Lies. I know not of this Tom you speak of.”
“YES, MY DEAR. YOUR YOUNG MEN SHALL BE SAFE FROM ANY SO-CALLED WRONGDOING OF OURS.”
“WHAT IS IT, DAUGHTER?”
“Never mind. Thanks, good night.”
#And then the next day Tom and Chris are in full costume#helmets and all#with their scepters and their capes#And she brings in this young guy#and they open the door#And there’s her father and her godfather#Tom smiling his ovary-bursting smile#you know the evil one that’s also strangely sexy#And Chris has his hammer at the ready#and they greet him#calling him a suitor for the hand of the princess of Asgard#talking about how he’ll need to complete nine Trials to prove himself worthy to have her as his queen
but this just keeps getting better and better
EACH TIME I SEE THIS THERE ARE MORE WONDERFUL COMMENTS
OMFG DIS POST. DEM COMMENTS /dying
It gets better every fucking time!
I am CRYING oh my god
[[And there will be that one guy.
He won’t run or never call again.
He’ll sit there and play along.
"I, (insert name), swear on my very life that thine daughter, thine princess of Asgard shall return safely to you. My very life be forfeit at your hands if it be otherwise."
It’ll be RDJ’s kid. His dad will have warned him about this long beforehand and quizzed him on it.]]
My piece, Leo, was selected as a Runner-Up in Creative Quarterly’s Student Illustration category :) http://www.cqjournal.com/winners.html
Follow on Instagram: http://instagram.com/mcmannessillustration
in the 1940s the word “boner” used to mean “huge mistake” and it still pretty much means that
how the fuck would you know that
because i know things
i read these to my dad and he literally fell off his chair laughing and is now purple in the face
The Midnight Planétarium watch was a collaboration between Van Cleef & Arpels and Christiaan van der Klaauw. The watch is made of 396 separate parts and features the six closest planets orbiting the sun in real time (Uranus and Neptune were left out because you probably won’t live long enough to see either one complete a full orbit).
Not gonna lie, that would make a badass tattoo.
gothiccharmschool has this tattooed on her forearm in swirly script. It’s lovely.
Not just pretty words, indeed.
you don’t know how excited I am for Annie with a little black girl who has natural hair and a black successful daddy warbucks that’s actually a business man and they didn’t change him to a rapper to be stereotypical because apparently the only way a black man can be rich is if he’s a rapper but they didn’t do that!!! and im so happy!!!!!
today my best friend asked me “why cinderella’s shoe fell off if it fit her perfectly”
Female Serial Killers
Although males make up the majority of serial killers, there are female serial killers as well and they differ from men in many ways. Research shows that the majority of males (50%) kill for sexual pleasure while females kill for profit (75%), control (13%), or revenge (12%). Men tend to be more actively violent in their killing, raping, torturing, beating or stangling their victims while females are usually passive and tend to favour poison. The victimologies differ as well; men tend to chose strangers while women target relatives, friends, and romantic partners. One of the most suprising differences is the length of time over which each gender continues killing. Men usually kill for a short period, a few months to about 4 years. Women, on the other hand, kill for an average of 6-8 years, sometimes even decades.
- Black Widow: Most of their victims are relatives, romantic relationships, or close friends. Black widows kill for monetary gain, most often life insurance. These women often kill 6-8 people over a period of ten to fifteen years and their preferred method is poison.
Example: Lydia Trueblood killed five husbands, her brother in-law, and her baby daughter.
- Angel of Death: These women are workers in hospitals or senior homes where death is not uncommon. They are exhilirated by their power over life and death and often bring their patients to the brink of death before miraculously curing them, though most victims are eventually killed. These women often suffer from Munchausen’s by proxy syndrome or a God complex. This type of killer usually claims 8-12 victims over a 1-2 year period. They kill slowly with drugs or poison that mirror the effects of disease and sickness.
Example: Genene Jones killed between 11 and 46 terminlly ill infants by injecting them with digoxin and pretending to try to save them. Jones continued to kill even while under investigation.
- Sexual Predator: The rarest of female serial killers; only one known North American case. These women are usually in their 30’s and and geographically mobile. They are driven by sexual fantasies of killing and kill on average 6 people in a 3 year period.
Example: Aileen Carol Wuornos worked as a prostitute and killed 7 male clients. She would claim that they tried to rape her and would shoot or stab them during sex.
- Revenge Killer: Also rare, and generally only found among repeat offenders. These women kill family members or friends that they beleive offended them. Revenge killers usually kill 3-4 victims over a two year period and tend to show remorse after the act.
Example: Martha Wise killed family members and a pastor and also burnt down a church because she viewed them as barriers that kept her from marrying the man she loved. She later claimed that the devil made her do it.
- Team Killers: These women often do not kill on their own but are coerced into doing so by a partner. Teams are most often male-female, however the partner may also be a sister or close female friend. 35% of female serial killers fall into this category. Killings are often sexual in nature and there are usually 9-15 victims in a two-year period.
Example: Charlene and Gerald Gallego raped, tortured and buried alive over 20 girls. Charlene helped Gerald because he claimed that taking virgins would cure his impotency.
- Profit Killers: Essentially hit women, these women tend to be the most intelligent of the female serial killers are very dispassionate.
Example: Madame Popova was a Russian hit woman that hired herself out to women who had cruel and abusive husbands. She killed more than 300 men.